Friday, November 25, 2005
This satire is for my friends who have taken Greek classes in school; dedicated especially to La Mademoiselle Parisienne and the Kamikaze Secretary -- you know who you are!
MIAMI, Florida -- (CNN -- Classical News Network) -- Tropical Storm Delta, the unprecedented 25th named storm of the 2005 storm season, remains stalled in the Atlantic, but it has produced a storm surge of expectation in an unexpected place: campuses nationwide. Because storm names have now progressed into the Greek alphabet, an unlikely coalition of academics and sororities has formed to capitalize on the free publicity.
The Kappa Delta and Tri-Delta sororities have issued a joint statement hailing the naming of Tropical Storm Delta and inviting the storm to rush their organizations.
Elsewhere, professors of classical Greek and seminary students studying Biblical Greek are regarding the tropical storm as a new lease on life.
"We are delighted, delighted, that the general public can now see one of the many benefits and uses of the Greek alphabet," said Professor S.M. Artypantz of Cloudcuckooland University at Nerdville.
When asked whether the association of Greek letters with destructive storms was harmful, the professor replied, "There's no such thing as bad publicity. What would Socrates do? Capitalize, of course! Now, would you like to join my Greek class so you can better name storms and quote Plato?"
Other groups are expressing dissatisfaction with the campus glee over Tropical Storm Delta and over the storm itself. Atlanta-based Delta Airlines is contemplating a lawsuit against the NOAA, alleging copyright infringement over the use of the name "Delta."
At the same time, the U.S. Army's special operations outfit, Delta Force, expressed concern that publicity associated with the storm could jeopardize some of its missions. When the CNN correspondent asked about these missions, the Delta Force spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."
Chuck Norris was unavailable for comment.