Friday, November 25, 2005

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Use Good Looks, Vacuous Smiles to Help Pakistani Quake Victims

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan -- (CNN -- Celluloid News Network) -- The recent devastating earthquake that caused upwards of 75,000 casulaties in Pakistan has highlighted the suffering of the survivors in the aftermath.

As various nations and international organizations scramble to bring more relief aid to the affected area, Hollywood is not silent. The glittery film society has decided to help Pakistan by sending Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to the earthquake zone.

Melissa Gilbert, president of the Screen Actors Guild, told CNN that the decision was an easy one. "Hollywood is well-known for getting involved in international disasters," she said. "After all, we are very familar with disasters, having survived such examples as 'Gigli' and 'Alexander.' Given our expertise, we have decided to respond to the Pakistani event by sending our best resources: good looks, earnest-sounding platitudes, and vacuous smiles. We are sending in Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt."

Entertainment experts estimate that, once seen, Jolie's famous lips and Pitt's renowned pectoral muscles will provide earthquake victims with at least 0.03 nanoseconds of distraction from their daily struggle for survival.

Pakistani president Pervez Musharraf, in a phone interview with CNN, said, "We very much appreciate Hollywood's efforts to help. Even so, I think something was lost in translation. When we sent our urgent appeal for aid, we asked for food, not eye candy."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Go Cambodians, go! I saw "The Girl Who Spelled Freedom." Didja?

12:55 AM  
Blogger GNN Staff Writer said...

You are wonderful. Well done.

2:30 PM  
Blogger Mad Minerva said...


2:45 PM  

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