Department of Homeland Security Issues "No Read List"

WASHINGTON, DC -- (CNN -- Cretin News Network) -- In a follow-up to last week's highly controversial report on alleged right-wing extremism, the Department of Homeland Security has now issued a No Read List.

DHS head Janet Napolitano explained that the No Read List is similar in purpose to the well-known No Fly List: "As certain individuals have been flagged as potential security threats and therefore placed on the No Fly List to prevent them traveling and attempting perhaps to mount another 9/11-style attack, the DHS and I believe that some books are also potential security threats and should not be read, both for your own safety and the safety of others."

The new DHS No Read List includes the following potentially subversive works. According to Napolitano, "This list is a work in progress; check back frequently for new additions as the DHS works to ensure your safety -- even from your own selves."

• 1984 by George Orwell
• Animal Farm by George Orwell
• Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
  
• Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
• The Road to Serfdom by F. A. Hayek
• The Black Book of Communism, edited by Stephane Courtois
  
• The Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
• The Abolition of Man by C.S. Lewis
  
• The Magna Carta
  
• Democracy in America by Alexis de Tocqueville
• Common Sense by Thomas Paine
  
• The Federalist Papers
• The Anti-Federalist Papers
  
• The Declaration of Independence
• The Bill of Rights
  
• The United States Constitution