Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Due to Popular Demand, IRS Introduces Taxpayer Earmarks

WASHINGTON, DC -- (CNN -- Currency News Network) -- In a response to increasing public demand, the Internal Revenue Service is instituting a new policy in time for Tax Day 2009.

In a morning press conference, IRS spokeswoman Debi Torre stated, "This may seem insane, but it's no more insane than the rest of the illegible and, frankly, illogical if not incomprehensible tax code in general.

"Our new policy of tax earmarks allows the individual taxpayers to designate the specific government programs to which they wish their taxes to be directed. We're doing this in response to popular demand, as taxpayers are increasingly agitated about government earmarks. It seems only fair to give taxpayers a say (however tiny and insignificant) in where their own money goes. Early response to this pilot program has been very positive, with taxpayers eagerly wishing to fund pirate-shooting Navy SEALS while eagerly wishing to not fund government bailouts of automakers.

"Who knows? This program could work wonders for the increasingly irate American taxpayer. Then maybe the IRS won't be so darn unpopular. Let me tell you, April is horrible for my self-esteem, not to mention my posture, as I usually have to spend it hiding under my desk as enraged citizens besiege the office building, waving 1040 forms."

Government officials are already complaining about the new policy, claiming that they will be heavily hampered in their spending sprees by the wishes of the citizen taxpayers.

"Oh, it's horrible, horrible," said one senator, speaking to CNN on condition of anonymity. "This policy will force us to go cold turkey on some pork projects, and I don't know if we can handle exercising self-control. It's a totally foreign concept. Still, there is something even worse than being restrained. We could be held...I can hardly say the word!...accountable."

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2 Comments:

Blogger Brian J. Dunn said...

Actually Minerva, I heard someone on NPR today suggesting exactly this (for 10% of your taxes due).

It is not possible to satirize the federal government in an era of hope and change ...

10:16 PM  
Blogger Mad Minerva said...

Really? Life imitates satire these days!

7:44 AM  

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