Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Canadian Government Falls, Prompting Worldwide Hoarding of Maple Syrup, Hockey Players

OTTAWA, Canada -- (CNN -- Caribou News Network) -- Yesterday, a 171-133 vote of no confidence toppled the scandal-ridden Paul Martin government. This season has become the winter of Canadian discontent as uncertainty falls over the United States' great Northern neighbor.

As Canadians gear up for a winter of campaigning and political wrangling, the rest of the world responded to the news by immediately hoarding stores of Canada's main exports -- maple syrup and hockey players. Canada currently produces 85% of the world's supply of maple syrup, making it the Saudi Arabia of syrup.

Realpolitik analysts are monitoring the situation closely. A senior Washington expert, speaking on condition of anonymity, commented: "We must maintain stability on the North American continent. If Canada falls into chaos, the repercussions could be terrible. The world's supplies of maple syrup and hockey players must not be disrupted.

"Democracy is messy... and I don't know what I'll do if there's a shortage of syrup. This could trigger a worldwide breakfast crisis; modern life would ground to a halt without this precious liquid resource. All options are on the table, frankly."

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