Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Ghost of FDR Offers Advice on Bird Flu Fear

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- (CNN -- Chicken News Network) -- In a city that has for months labored under the fear of an impending avian flu global pandemic, the non-appearance of any such outbreak is a welcome Christmas gift indeed.

While much fear remains, the blind panic of recent days has begun to fade. Even media outlets which have up been busy churning out alarming predictions have admitted that no pandemic has actually occurred and that the only documentable epidemic was the outbreak of global fear about avian flu.

As if in confirmation of this, today the ghost of US president Franklin Delano Roosevelt gave a press conference in the Roosevelt Memorial in the nation's capitol. Transparent and ghostly, yet looking dapper in 1940s garb, FDR gave a brief statement:

"My fellow Americans, it has been a very long time since I gave my first inaugural address as your president. But the message of that speech is as true now as it was when I was alive. The recent mass panic and hand-wringing over bird flu has been a colossal failure of nerve and an exercise in irrational scaremongering. Let me give you again the best advice I know to give:

"This is preeminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Nor need we shrink from honestly facing conditions in our country today. This great Nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

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