Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Australia: Fears Abound That Sectarian Riots Will Spread to Koalas, Kangaroos

SYDNEY, Australia -- (CNN -- Crocodilehunter News Network) -- Australian authorities are concerned that recent racially motivated riots may spread in the Land Down Under after a weekend of violence on the beaches between white Australians and people of Middle Eastern descent.

Animal behaviorists are concerned that the sectarian violence may spark riots among Australia's animal populations as well. Specifically, zoologists fear unrest between groups of koalas and kangaroos, two species that have long been bitter rivals for the coveted title of "animal most associated with Australia."

Australia Zoo marsupial expert Ima Dundee stated, "We are very concerned. It's not for nothing that a group of kangaroos is technically called a 'mob' of kangaroos. As for koalas, do not be deceived by their cute appearance. They are closely related to drop bears and can be very dangerous. The tension between koalas and kangaroos has been brewing for a long time, and anything could set off rioting. There is a lot of money in endorsement deals at stake here. The Qantas contract alone...!"

Australian tour operators are also concerned. Tour guide Barb E. Shrimper noted, "It is bad enough that we are getting negative international publicity from the riots on our beautiful beaches. But if there is koala-versus-kangaroo violence, we will be ruined! We have built up an entire tour industry on the idea that koalas and kangaroos are lovable creatures you should travel halfway around the world to see."

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