France's de Villepin Denies that Riots Occurred or that His Poetry Sucks

PARIS, France -- (DNN -- Derrida News Network) -- In a recent TV interview, French Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin declared that the recent unrest in France cannot be called "riots."

"Zey cannot be called 'riots,' zis recent . . . how you say, unrest in la belle France," said de Villepin in a follow-up interview with DNN. " Zee incidents in our republique are simply our young people expressing zemselves. Zee Eenglish call zis 'high spirits' or 'zee youthful folly.' Zere were no riots. Riots occur only in backward, savage places like Los Angeles. No, we French, we do not have riots. We have revolutions, though currently we are living in a paradise of liberté, egalité, fraternité."

The elegantly coiffed Prime Minister then waved his manicured hand languidly at the members of the press. "Zese aren't zee riots you're looking for," he said. "You can go about your business. Move along."

When asked about the estimated 9000 cars burned in the recent unrest, de Villepin replied only that they were part of the EU's new strategy on auto incineration.

De Villepin has faced criticism in recent days for his seeming lack of action during the 3 weeks of French unrest. This criticism comes on the heels of previous criticism for his 800-page book of poetry. The work is entitled, in an odd coincidence, Eloge des Voleurs de Feu, or In Praise of the Thieves of Fire.

"Eet eez zee pinnacle of free speech," said de Villepin. "Zee rioters -- errrr -- zee young people of France were expressing zemselves freely, and I too was expressing moi-self freely. Eet eez all rather poetique, really, zee Molotov cocktails sailing like miniature phoenixes into zee velvet blackness of zee amorous night. Perhaps I shall write another book of poetry on zee unrest . . . Oui, zere eez criticism for both me zee poet and zee youths, but part of being an artiste eez to be misunderstood by zee public."