Tuesday, December 06, 2005

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan to be Replaced by Baby Panda

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- (CNN -- Cute News Network) -- In an unexpected twist in its public relations approach, the White House has announced that it will replace its current press secretary, Scott McClellan, with Tai Shan, the baby panda at the National Zoo.

During his daily press briefing yesterday, McClellan fielded questions from the White House press corps. When the interrogation reached a fever pitch of angry, harsh inquiries, McClellan pulled out a large glossy photo of the baby panda, which immediately reduced the hard-bitten journalists to prolonged cooing and sentimental smiling.

"Any further questions?" asked McClellan. "Any further questions about gas prices, Tom DeLay, Iraq strategy, or the President's poll numbers?

The press corps responded in unison: "Awwwwwwwwwwwwww...Look at that panda! Isn't he cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute?"

A source within the White House commented that the choice of Tai Shan is a public relations coup. "He has an uncanny ability to handle the press on a daily basis, and he can communicate in black-and-white terms in this age of muddled messages. He would certainly bring more diversity to the White House staff as well. As an American-born Chinese, Tai Shan is beyond doubt an Asian-American."

Animal rights activists led by PETA expressed concern about the health effects of repeated camera flashes on the panda cub. McClellan responded that Tai Shan is already accustomed to mass, sustained media coverage.

The panda is expected to start his new job on Monday. He will be the first "pandamerican" to hold this post.


Anonymous J.Doe said...

HA ha ha. A great post. I'm honored that a comment by me gave you a spark for such a great post too

11:04 AM  
Blogger Mad Minerva said...

Thank you! Now if only we could do an airlift of baby pandas into other places as you said -- like the UN!

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Ann E. Moll said...

I'm appalled at this news. A baby panda should not grow up in captivity. Especially by the media. I'm calling PETA to complain right now.

4:35 PM  

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