White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan to be Replaced by Baby Panda
During his daily press briefing yesterday, McClellan fielded questions from the White House press corps. When the interrogation reached a fever pitch of angry, harsh inquiries, McClellan pulled out a large glossy photo of the baby panda, which immediately reduced the hard-bitten journalists to prolonged cooing and sentimental smiling.
"Any further questions?" asked McClellan. "Any further questions about gas prices, Tom DeLay, Iraq strategy, or the President's poll numbers?
The press corps responded in unison: "Awwwwwwwwwwwwww...Look at that panda! Isn't he cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute?"
A source within the White House commented that the choice of Tai Shan is a public relations coup. "He has an uncanny ability to handle the press on a daily basis, and he can communicate in black-and-white terms in this age of muddled messages. He would certainly bring more diversity to the White House staff as well. As an American-born Chinese, Tai Shan is beyond doubt an Asian-American."
Animal rights activists led by PETA expressed concern about the health effects of repeated camera flashes on the panda cub. McClellan responded that Tai Shan is already accustomed to mass, sustained media coverage.
The panda is expected to start his new job on Monday. He will be the first "pandamerican" to hold this post.