Iran plans 'small scale' uranium enrichment, 'teeny tiny' bomb

LONDON, England -- (CNN -- Curie News Network) -- Contrary to its prior statements, Iran plans to begin the 'small scale' enrichment of uranium, IAEA head Mohamed ElBaradei announced today.

"Well, previously we did say that the world was losing patience with Iran," said the top man of the UN's nuclear watchdog agency. "I think the Iranians took it the wrong way since they've decided to speed up their uranium project. It might have something to do with the fact that I made the announcement in High Excremental Diplomatese and not any intelligible real language. Something got lost in translation apparently, since all our interpreters were off moonlighting as Nicole Kidman lookalikes."

The UN Iranian delegation spokeman Mohamed Bin Bombingaway al Kufrs did not hold a press briefing, but did release a brief statement. "Tehran wishes to assure the world and the UN that there is no need for increased monitoring and scrutiny of our nuclear ambitions. We are planning only a 'small scale' amount of uranium enrichment, since we want only a 'teeny tiny' nuclear bomb. We don't need a big, huge bomb to wipe Israel off the map -- a tiny Zionist entity needs only a tiny nuclear weapon, after all."