Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Islamic Extremists Issue Fatwas Against Legos, Pastries, Dogs, and Actress Claire Danes

Copenhagen, DENMARK -- (CNN -- Cartoon News Network) -- The increasing global controversy over the recent publication of Danish cartoons depicting Mohammed has produced a set of new fatwas from extremist clerics. The fiery imams, from an undisclosed location in Jihadistan, issued fatwas condemning not only the cartoons and the artists who drew them, but also everything Danish or perceived to be Danish. The new set of fatwas specifically called for action against Lego toy bricks, all forms of Danish pastries, the Great Dane breed of dog, and even acclaimed American actress Claire Danes.

In a written statement accompanying the new slate of decrees, the imams declared,"We can't tell one infidel from another anyway, so we issue fatwas against anything and anyone that even seems remotely Danish to us! Crush them all and let Allah sort them out. We may reconsider the Legos, though, if we can find way to make them into IEDs."

CNN was able to reach Salman Rushdie via telephone for comment. Rushdie's novel The Satanic Verses prompted a famous fatwa and death warrant to be issued against him by Iranian then-leader the Ayatollah Khomeini in 1989. Said Rushdie: "I am very sorry to see that the same thing is happening to the Danes that happened to me. Be it freedom of artistic expression in novels or baked goods, extremists seek to crush it. Actually, I ate a delicious cheese Danish this morning for breakfast, with a cup of coffee. So, I am expecting a new fatwa against me to be issued at any moment. Two-for-one special on infidels, no?"

Meanwhile in Hollywood, Ms. Danes and famous Great Dane canine actor Scooby Doo have gone into seclusion and hired more bodyguards.


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