Thursday, February 16, 2006

Top Indian Officials Announce Moratorium on All Outsourcing from France

New Dehli, INDIA -- (CNN -- Curry News Network) -- Top Indian leadership has announced a moratorium on all French outsourcing to India. In light of the recent international friction between India and France, Indian authorities have decided to halt its participation in French-based outsourcing enterprises.

"Our history of welcoming outsourced business from the West has clearly come back to bite us," said official Anuthasongweewill Singh. "Our citizens have eagerly taken up positions doing all kinds of things for foreign firms. In fact, when some Westerners think of the very words 'outsourcing for cheap labor,' they think of our glorious nation and our economic potential.

"But France's recent effort to outsource more than 30 tons of asbestos to India has crossed a line. There are limits to our outsourcing participation. From now on, France will have to dispose of its own toxic old warships. Furthermore, while the moratorium lasts, French companies will also have to answer their own phone calls from irate, ignorant customers. No more Mister Nice Guy -- outsourcing partners have standards too."

The asbestos-laden French warship which began the international row, the Clemenceau, is heading back to France. Indian religious leaders, in an unexpected move that reinforced the assessment of Indian health inspectors, earlier today officially declared the asbestos "untouchable."

When asked about the moratorium and a potential loss of jobs in India, Mr. Singh insisted that this was not a problem. "Heavens, no," he told CNN. "We have already found other positions in outsourcing -- answering calls for American computer companies. The only thing toxic about them is customers who are too lazy to RTFM."

Editor's Note: At this point in the interview, Mr. Singh was suddenly joined by a company of attractive young men and women dressed in bright outfits, who began to dance in intricate patterns while singing about computer tech support.

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