European Union Chooses Dr. Frankenstein as New Leader

BRUSSELS, Belgium -- (CNN -- Constitution News Network) -- In a surprise vote today, the elite bureaucrats and functionaries of the European Union have chosen Dr. Victor Frankenstein as their new leader. The move is intended to breathe new life into attempts to revive the stalled Constitution of the EU, which failed spectacularly in votes held in France and the Netherlands last year. All member nations of the EU must ratify the constitution in order for it to take effect; its rejection by even one member state spells the failure of the overall project. The constitutional treaty has been languishing since that time, though a significant number of EU elites are attempting to resurrect it.

In a press briefing, EU spokeswoman Olive Liv Agen-Eegorr announced the election of Frankenstein and commented, "He is the perfect man for the job. He has extensive experience in reviving the seemingly unrevivable. Besides, he is clearly part of the educated elite class of Western Europeans who consider themselves beyond the limitations of the common grubby man, and, furthermore, he is Swiss. What more can you ask for?"

Dr. Frankenstein, a native of Geneva, is expected to take office by the end of the summer. In a written statement, the doctor expressed his delight at being selected as the latest EUrocrat and noted, "It will be my pleasure and honor to revive the constitution. I will make it live . . . LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!! Ahem, er, in the fullest spirit of democracy, of course. Thank you."