Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Hollywood Studios Sue Iran's Ahmadinejad for Plot Plagiarism

HOLLYWOOD, California -- (CNN -- Celluloid News Network) -- The powerful movie production companies MGM and United Artists have announced a lawsuit against Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, alleging that he has plagiarized the plotline of the 1997 MGM-UA film, "Tomorrow Never Dies."

At the press conference at high noon, spokeswoman Juwanna Mann stated, "When the studio executives began learning about the current crisis between Iran and the UK, they noticed certain striking similarities. Granted, all our plot devices are so trite and old that some repetition is inevitable. However, one detail struck the MGM-UA leadership in particular -- the use of malleable coordinates and the manipulation of GPS systems.

"Why, in a recent Guardian news story, the following was clearly stated as part of the ongoing situation:

Britain's military said its vessels were 1.7 nautical miles inside Iraqi waters when Iran seized the sailors and marines on Friday.

Vice Adm. Charles Style told reporters that the Iranians had provided a position on Sunday - a location that he said was in Iraqi waters. By Tuesday, Iranian officials had given a revised position 2 miles east, placing the British inside Iranian waters - a claim he said was not verified by global positioning system coordinates.

``It is hard to understand a legitimate reason for this change of coordinates,'' Style said.

Style gave the satellite coordinates of the British crew as 29 degrees 50.36 minutes north latitude and 048 degrees 43.08 minutes east longitude, and said it had been confirmed by an Indian-flagged merchant ship boarded by the sailors and marines.

"Coordinates, shmoordinates! Anyone who has seen 'Tomorrow Never Dies' knows beyond any doubt that this is exactly the plot device we used to start a war under trumped-up circumstances in order to get mainstream media attention! In the film, we even started that war against -- hello! -- British sailors! We here in Hollywood are professional attention whores, Mahmoud! You've got to do better than this pitiful, derivative attempt if you want to play with the big boys. We give your latest attempt two thumbs way down.

"We therefore have filed a lawsuit charging Ahmadinejad with plot plagiarism."

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