Jimmy Carter Offers to Mediate Between UK, Iran in Hostage Crisis

Cretin News Network--Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter has taken a break from his book-promotion tour to make a public statement on the current hostage situation between Great Britain and Iran. Iranian forces seized 15 British naval personnel last week, a move highly criticized by various Western leaders.

In a press release, Mr. Carter expressed his wish for a peaceful resolution to the situation. He then offered to come out of retirement to mediate between London and Tehran. He cited his previous extensive experience with Iranian hostage situations, insisting that he had learned from history. "I won't send any helicopters this time," added Carter.