Al-Mujaher Resigns from Al Qaeda

BAGHDAD, Iraq -- (CNN -- Coalition News Network) -- In a surprising twist of events, the newly appointed head of Al Qaeda in Iraq, Abu Hamza al-Muhajer, has just resigned from the worldwide terrorist network.

This news was discovered in an intercepted email between Al-Muhajer and Al Qaeda leadership. In a long and rambling letter, Al-Muhajer listed a variety of reasons for resigning his commission, but he ended with his most pressing reason: he believes that the exalted-sounding position is in fact a dead-end job.

Al-Muhajer has since decided to take a lucrative position teaching Middle Eastern Studies at Yale, and he has signed a multimillion-dollar book contract with an undisclosed publishing house.